My friend Henry bought this dog toy from Walmart.
He brought it home and every time he squeaked it... I felt my eardrums almost die. Once he got bored of it, I threw it in this pitch black room that he never went in to anymore. I think a skeleton was in there or something. I don't know.
But it was late. Really late. So late that it was dark. As dark as the dirtiest asshole on any person. Thinking about that kind of makes me sick because my ass was like that one time. But I'm not talking about that night. I'm talking about this night. Henry went to sleep because he was tired of jacking off to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So I went into his kitchen to fetch a delicious bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Oh my goodness it was scary.
I heard that toy squeak from that abandoned room and I knew that his dog was asleep with him. I walked to that room with my Cinnamon Toast Crunch and I kicked that door open. What I saw made me drop my cereal all over the floor and crap doody in my Captain America underwear.
It was a fucking cat toy.